Fail with consequence … lose with eloquence … and smile

All I’ve ever believed in is written in ink and blood on my skin. All I’ve ever looked for is marked upon me for the rest of my life. And after all this, after all the looking, longing, after all the suffering and disappointment I’m starting to wonder, was it ever true? Or have I been lying to myself for such a long time in the hope of finding something pure, something that I so wish would be true?

Is it worth giving your soul away over and over again, and getting it back in pieces and shreds in the hope that maybe this time, it will be the real thing? Maybe this time I’ve actually found what I’ve been searching for?

But when there won’t be nothing left of me, when all hope will be lost and the little happiness that I have will be taken away, what will I be then? What will I do then?

Is this the moment when I should admit to myself that I’ve been living and believing in a lie?

No … it can’t be.

I’ve been raised a fighter. My mother was a fighter, she thought me to keep my head high, to fight for the greater good, to give only love, to see only the good in people, to make a difference, to be the change I want to see in the world and all around me. So this can’t stop me from shinning. I won’t allow it and I won’t allow you to destroy with words what I’ve been fighting and believing in for as long as I know.

Is there any way back to perfect, when everything around us is broken?

Is there any way back to us when you’ve ripped us apart?

Are you able to put back the pieces of my heart and make me better?

No … there isn’t and no, you can’t!

I would have rather have you put a knife through my heart, if that would have stopped the words that came out of your mouth. Is there any way back after this?

No!

There wasn’t anything left to give; I had nothing for myself anymore. That wasn’t enough for you though.

And I’m ashamed to say that the little that you gave wasn’t enough for me either.

But I’ve never thought we’ll get to this, never ever imagined it…even though I could feel it in the air around us, I told myself it can’t be.

I don’t belong with people like you, I don’t deserve to have my hopes and my dreams ripped out of me in front of my eyes by someone that is happy living this pitiful existence. That is so content in being nothing, being just someone who lived to work and worked to live. You don’t want to be remembered, you don’t want your children to look up to you, and you don’t want to teach them that there is more to this life than just living for yourself. Because you lack those things, you lack greatness. You put me down for my hopes and dreams, mock me and spit in my face saying that I should save myself before I should try saving others. But the hope of being able to make a change, even if it will be in 20 years…well that is what keeps me going. I’ll die a martyr, and I won’t die alone. I wont sacrifice myself for nothing … believe me, I will stand tall with my head held high and when I take my last breath I will be proud of the life I’ve made for myself and that I had something to live and die for.

But for all this, I’m the stupid one . . . !

Your ignorance amazes me, I never thought you to be so shallow and empty.

I don’t blame you for the holes in my heart I only blame myself. Because you can’t hurt me unless I allow you to, and stupidly, I did. But do you think I’m someone who will sit in sorrow and self pity? What you did, what you said only made me stronger, angrier and even more ready to take life on than I was before.

I’ve shed enough tears for you and I have wasted enough of my precious time and love on someone who never earned them.

Goodbye my hopeless dream

Should have known you’ll bring me heart ache, almost lovers always do.

This is the end where I begin!

“Now I’m alive, and my ghosts are gone. I’ve shed all the pain I’ve been holding on. The cure for a heart is to move along”

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